In Control, or Not

I want to thank all of you readers who took the time to leave kind, thoughtful, generous comments on my last post.  Thank you!  I appreciate your thoughts and prayers more than you know.  (I haven't responded to your comments yet but I will, soon.)

My husband's surgery went well today.  They let me visit for only a few minutes while he was recovering in intensive care.  He had at least half a dozen tubes including a breathing tube, several IVs, and a few other tubes coming from/going into places that aren't natural openings.  Ugh.

The surgeon quipped that this was a good time to say anything I wanted to my husband because he couldn’t talk back.  And the nurse chimed in, "And he won't remember anything you say, either."  A little levity after a long, serious, grueling day.

Knowing the surgery could last from four to eight hours, I waited at home till four hours had passed, then spent the next few hours in the waiting room at the hospital.  After seeing my husband I returned home.  While at home I sewed and did a few chores.

As I was sewing these liberated log cabin blocks I was thinking, "I can't do this out-of-control block-making.  I need more structure.  I need to be in control."   (It feels like I'm living a life out of control at the moment.)  While I sewed I continued to think about this and it eventually occurred to me that with blocks like this I am in control.  I'm the one who's controlling the size of the logs, the size of the blocks, the colors, the color placement, everything about these blocks.  I think it feels out of control because only a few decisions were made before cutting and sewing.

When I sew a block from a specific pattern with squares or triangles cut to specific sizes, I'm in control, then, too.  It happens before I cut anything, while I cut, and while I carefully sew -- all for accuracy to that specific pattern.

With liberated blocks the control happens throughout the whole process of making the blocks but in a different way.  I will have chosen my fabrics (and therefore colors) and the pattern, but I may not have chosen the exact sizes of each piece of a block.  The blocks may be put together in a way that looks less accurate than a traditional quilt block.  But all of those choices are in my control and will determine how the finished blocks look.

Liberated quilting may look more playful, less structured, and less controlled than traditional blocks but I believe the creator must have as much or possibly more control than with traditional blocks.

I wish life were as easy to control as quilt blocks.  My life is certainly beyond my ability to control it at the moment.  I know He is and was always in control, but when things were going smoothly, I had the impression of having some control over my life.  Now, my control extends only as far as my own actions and thoughts. 

Even so, isn't life grand?!  And how wonderful that we get to play with fabric and make quilts.

I hope you're having a good day today.

--Nancy.
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